i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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