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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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