It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
