yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
