I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
