I think im going to throw up on grandma
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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