You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
