You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
