You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm both gender and math confused
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
