what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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