Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
