We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
