I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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