Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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