God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You need Xanax blowdarts
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
