if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
