My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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