The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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