youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
