Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
