I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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