just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
