I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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