chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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