ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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