naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
zippers are such a cool invention
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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