Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize