So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
