Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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