Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
