Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
