I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
