Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize