i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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