how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
