I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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