I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
