I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
