I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
