his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
