ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
