Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
