its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
