but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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