i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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