I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
