last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
