im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
