If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
