i used baking grease as lip gloss
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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