my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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