omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
