woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize