he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
