every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
