Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
