this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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