oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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