whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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