I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
