Will you blow on my dice?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
