Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
