I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
