just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
