dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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