I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
