Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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