I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
