She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
