lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
