I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
