Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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