Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
