The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
