WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
