Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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