I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
