i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize