you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
