The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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