I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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