Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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